Kids who recognize their innate value (self-esteem!) have the ability to be resilient in the face of low self-confidence and the judgments of the world. This is why it's so important to help kids get a sense of their inner, unique, individual worth, that is not open to interpretation, it just is! Tune in for some insight into how an intentional mom, Monica Hill, does this for her kids. Learn how she helps them clear their minds, focus on others, develop meaningful relationships, and have important conversations.
Hello my friends! So today is one of those special days when I share an oldie but a goodie. Seriously. The episode I am pulling out from the files is a favorite for many of you. I know because you’ve told me so.
One listener said, “I was in tears after just a few minutes of listening to this one. It was so good I even ran over to my notepad and took notes of all the great ideas she gave. My favorite episode so far!!!”
It’s all about helping our kids develop their self-esteem. It starts out with my intro, and then jumps into my conversation with my friend, Monica Hill. I hope you enjoy it, whether it’s your first time listening, or you’ve heard it all before. So here we go…
We often think of self-esteem and self-confidence as the same thing, but self-esteem the way we see our inherent worth, while self-confidence is more about our view of our abilities.
Kids who recognize their innate value have the ability to be resilient in the face of low self-confidence and the judgments of those around them.
A few weeks ago I was attending a parent teacher conference for my 1st grader. His teacher pulled out a self-evaluation he had taken and I think both of us felt a pang of sadness for what we saw. He gave himself lower marks than she or I would have in absolutely every category except Being Kind, where he gave himself the highest score. I couldn’t believe how differently I saw his efforts than he did.
And it’s not just kids who feel it. When I was in college I was supposed to write this paper for my Sociology class. I worked really hard on it but never felt quite satisfied and ended up turning it in with a gut full of anxiety that I wouldn’t score very well on it. Well. Boy was I wrong. Not only did I get the highest grade possible, but my professor literally asked me if she could use it as an example paper for future students who would take that course. Ha!! I could not believe it.
In full disclosure, I could also share opposite examples of when I thought I did great, but my professor didn’t see it that way, but I’d rather focus on the positive :).
There are some things that are subject to interpretation. Whether someone is a good basketball player will depend on whether they’re being compared to LeBron James or their two year old self. When my son compares his reading level to his older sisters, he claims he doesn’t even know how to read, which is totally false.
Many years ago I heard a quote that said something like, “Comparing yourself to others can lead to feelings of either inferiority or superiority.” Both are not healthy. So once there was a cosmetic surgeon named Maxwell Maltz. He spent his career changing people’s faces to help them with their self-confidence. Until one day he realized that his work wasn’t improving his patients’ happiness, or insecurities. So he changed careers and wrote a book called “Psycho Cybernetics” which was focused on helping people change their self-image internally. He talked about how an inferiority complex and a superiority complex are merely opposite sides of the same coin. And the coin is counterfeit, for no one is either inferior or superior to anyone else. A person is just different from others. Accept yourself as the unique person that you are without comparing yourself to others. Doing this will help you love yourself properly without conceit.”
This is why it’s so important to help kids get a sense of their inner unique, individual worth, that is not open to interpretation, it just is.
Self esteem is powerful.
So today I have a fantastic guest named Monica Hill who is going to share what she does to help her kids develop their self esteem. Stay tuned at the end for when I give Monica a score based on her performance. Just kidding! She actually gives a disclaimer about her qualifications, which is a little ironic considering our topic today…
Just to give you a little background about Monica, so you know what you’re getting yourself into. The first thing I ever remember her saying to me was, “Would you rather lose your arm or your leg?” Seriously we had just met. I learned that she doesn’t do small talk. And she doesn’t seem to be bound by the limiting rules of social norms. She just chooses to be herself, and I don’t know about everyone else, but it makes me feel more freedom to be myself. And I think you’ll see what I mean with her opening bio. Here we go.
conversation with Monica
Thank you Monica. Thank you for the great insights and reminders of how important our role is in the lives of our kids and all the kids who cross our path. Now for Monica’s disclaimer.
Raising Kids is stressful. We certainly can’t do it well if we are too casual about it. But I believe every effort will be worth it, and thankfully Monica gave us some great insights on how to at least be intentional about self-esteem development. I loved learning from her. She had so many great ideas that I hope to implement in my home.
Before I close today I want to share with you what the scientists say about self-esteem development. I think Monica will find that she is actually an expert.
Psychologist Leon Seltzer created a template for promoting self-esteem in children based on information from the textbook Self-Esteem: Paradoxes and Innovations in Clinical Theory and Practice.
The first thing he talks about is modeling an optimistic outlook for our kids. If we look at the world optimistically, our kids will be more likely to see it, and themselves in that way.
Next he talks about helping our kids feel accepted and important within our families so they don’t need to waste energy seeking approval elsewhere.
Then he recommends parents have reasonable expectations for their kids. Expecting our kids to work hard will help them develop confidence that will lead to self-esteem. In a perfect world, Parental discipline will naturally mature into self-discipline, a necessary ingredient in self-esteem.
Next he shared Studies that show that children with high self-esteem have parents who respect their individuality and encourage them to be authentic, even accepting appropriate disagreements.
His last recommendation is to gradually giving your child more control over themselves and their environment.
We’ve heard so many great insights today. I hope you learned something you can apply in your family, with whatever your situation is. Remember, if all else fails, just love your kids. You can’t go wrong if you love and sincerely desire the best for them.
Thank you so much for listening. If you are finding Raising Today’s Kids helpful, I’d love to hear about it. One of the best ways to do this is to post a review. Reviews help new listeners to be able to find the podcast and determine if it’s worth listening to.
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Thanks again for listening and have an awesome day!